I CHUAN TAO ARGENTINA
Itīs Autumn.The leaves had started to fall turning into sepia and brown the green Avellaneda park. As I say in my novels, Autumn is beautiful in Buenos Aires. But, I wasnīt able to appreciate that beauty. It was in the morning.
upset spirit didnīt match with the armony of the nature .A horrible Summer had
passed. Panic attacks causing anguish , they had taken me apart from what It
made for me, my
life pleased : Literature, love, friendship, I had not even interested in
the others. There were only a few friend left. Only the fear existed, covering
everything, forbiden me to enjoy living. That Sunday morning, at that time, the
worst day of the week , the anguish and the lonliness were my only company. They
surrounded me up to drown me. I had gone to the park
with no ilusions to know something which could make me feel joyful.
there , I saw a group of people who seemed to be doing gym. I came along. I
liked the heterogenous composition : young and old ones, women an men. At first,
I saw, then I got closer and asked if I could take part of it.
I was younger, I had seen a dancer and then I had always done gym;
that moment, It had been six month since I didnīt do anything because I was
afraid of going to the club where I practised and talking to my old mates.
told me yes,I could enter the class ; I
started to move clumsily but with the inevitable ability that, as
the cell remembers, gave me many
years of physical exercises. My movement were smal , as if I was annoying the
world . A young man , later I know he was one of my teachers, accompanied me and
eaplained me, in pair work, what they were doing.
me, It was fantastic. At once, I noticed they werenīt competitive people , like
the ones I was used to be in the club, there were companionship. That
same day, after the class, a young man, who treated me with sweetness,
taught me some exercices, I didnīt know who he was.
time went by, I consdered him as my Master. He was noble, sensitive, and
had the authority which comes from who really knows his métier. I learnt, as
long as I was learning more , the secret of the armony : in him , the perfection
of the movements matched with the beauty of his spirit.
saw me many times with tears in my eyes, without any will, and distressed
because of my deep suffering , he always had the proper word to take me out of
it and make me do my best, each day a bit more.
had to forget bad habits which the Occidental gym had instilled me and replace
the anxiety to success with the patience and the satisfation of the everyday
the beginning, my movements had been like my own world: small, frightening,
ditherer. Little by little, I was gaining trust and amplitude. I moved better. I
stopped being inscrutable , I avoided them to know me and started to trust . One
day , I made up my mind shily and after the class stayed to have mate .
loved that meetings but I felt rejected, as if I wasnīt able to understand
their codes. It was a part of my illness . But the cordiality of my mates made
me take part of the laugh , jokes,
and then the conversation.
I felt openly part of the group.
time went by, my body was improving, and my mind too.I moved with confidence, I
laughed naturally and start to forget my tears.
I chuan Tao have taught me to be in a way where
the most interesting is the continous learning. I īve learnt to see in
my mates their comprehensive expression and to value my master
pushing me to improve
goals and persisting on it.
Autumn again. The sepia leaves cover the paths and the trees keep perennially
green. A year has passed since I came along trembling to this group of strangers
to whom I didnīt know how to greet, with
that ritual greeting , since they let me start
in that class of odd movements for me.
it wasnīt only that ; sometimes the grass and the trees were covered by dew
or the sun on Sunday mornings, and Itīs me , again, capable to
appreciate and enjoy everything, cold or hot , the rain.
not afraid . Itīs better to breathe and feel the great pleasure to be alive.
I chuan Tao practising